Sounds of Music
Do you hear it? The sounds of a haunting flute, lilting across a desolate wasteland… snaking its cold hand around your warm heart and gripping it in its vice… bringing you to your knees and squeezing painful tears from your eyes? Oh yes, I hear it… meandering through the cheerful smiles and open faces… not really lies, but merely facets of another life, an imagination perhaps or perhaps a mask? And myself… the audience. Oh yes, surely a participant. A teacher. Oh definitely a master.
Through the thin veil of truth, hides and arrogantly flaunts at the same time, different people of different lives. Wry smile. Wide eyes.
But dry eyes.
Constantly reaching out to the ebbing and receding pain to take it away, and putting some of it away for a rainy day. Yes, not all of it is burden given that I don’t constantly take back. From new people albeit. Confusing? Painfully so isn’t it?
But observing the wretched and feeling thus, wanting to bring light where there is dark. Seeing the pain and the empty lonely eyes… and refusing to stare into them, knowing that once you do… you will be sucked in and likely drowned in the depth of emotional trauma. Do you dare brave it?
I’m a coward… skimming the surface and gently prodding – skipping away, flicking my hair over my shoulders and batting my lashes… giving only so much and running away.
Oh yes, running. 三十六计，走为上计。
Oh yes, running away like there is no tomorrow. I don’t want to look back.
And on playing the piano this eve, to “vent artistic frustration” a phrase I fall back on time and time again to explain my need to put emotion down a wordless, seamless, meaningful way… there was no respite.
Can’t fill emptiness by myself. Another wry smile.
Gotta pray.
posted by gossamerofcontradictions @ 6:01 PM
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