It really doesn’t seem like its going to happen.

Been in a sorta limbo – the kind where you’re not sure which dimension of your life you should actually step in. And yesterday, went to check out the Botanical Gardens with Indriana for Sunday’s UWC selection camp. 2hours straight of walking in the hot sun, and no drink store in sight. It was the best can of H20 I’ve had ever. Yet, while walking home, (yesh more walking), there comes with hard work, a sense of fulfilment and achievement and satisfaction. 成就感. You know? Heh and while I was tired and while I was imagining the hundred and one things I have yet to do… I looked around me and decided that I’ve settled in.

Yeps. I’ve settled in.

I think if I left now, I’d miss Singapore lots and lots and all the ppl here.

And while I miss … everywhere else… I think I’m home and that’s where I wanna be.

For now.

And I’m still in process of self-spring-cleaning and the renewal… yet in moving on, you wonder if everyone else you’ve known, has moved on too. And though you miss them, and you think about them and wish they were here or you with them… you’ve kinda settled in too. You’ve began to do things that don’t require them anymore.

And its all about routine really. Once you get into it… you no longer feel loss. And ppl who fit into your routine, help keep your balance. Like Sumei… who is far away now. And now and then, I’d catch myself thinking, well… I should call Sue and go watch a movie, cuz I have time now. Or maybe I’ll call her, and finally we can go shopping or something… Or just to call her about the day. Life is kinda off-balance for a while.

But you only miss things, when they’re gone. And its true about ppl too.

Like reading ppl’s blogs. It’s weird when you see ppl’s lives moving on in their own ways, without you in the pictures anymore. Or hearing ppl talk about you, when you were there with them. Today I found someone’s blog, to whom I was close to before… really struck me about the kind of person I thought I was, and what other’s saw of me.

And its scary.

You only know as much of yourself as you delude yourself with and I think, I was pretty deluded. Thought I was hearing God’s voice, but maybe I was deluding myself then. Thought I was planting seeds, but maybe I was pushing ppl away. And that’s scary.

Gotta open my ears to the prompting of the Holy Spirit! Not my will, but the will of God. You imagine that you are doing good things, but you don’t know how they actually turn out. And it can go horribly wrong. Trust in the Holy Spirit’s leading. Gotta trust.

Ahh… we must ALWAYS watch what we say, or we can end up hurting lots of ppl. And abt being salt of the earth and all that… it’s true! And EVERYTHING we do… can be of effect! Bad or good. Let my words be pure and may they uplift others and not to make others fall.

Oh and driving was FUN! btw hehehe... yay!

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much
seek to be consoled as to console,
not so much to be understood as to understand,
not so much to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.

St. Francis of Assisi

Home View - sky from this part of the town... sunny skies baby...

Prayer Group Buddies - I think... we're H-A-P-P-Y! hehe...

Prayer Group Outing - Yeps the gathering of beautiful ppl, hehe... Lunch and Movie (I not stupid too!)... good moive, good casting... bit teary, thought-provoking... i like... tastes like home =)

Beautiful Botanics =) yesh this is where we plan to torture the applicants, muahah... yesh this exact spot. Indriana and I in the sweltering heat.

Yesh the scary ugly ducky... uh Swan... (check out the closeups!) its giving me the evil eye... kewl...