Ah pourquoi?

Pas ce-que mon ami…

Truth be told… I believe it is only character that guides your actions… less so then what you’re told to do… or are told you’re supposed to do…

The act of anything is guided only by our minds and we respond to the mental stimulus, which is only guided by our inner self... ie our ingrained moral stance… heavily influenced by teachings you adopt from well-meaning ppl thru’out our lives.

Heh.

And perhaps not being really able to explain what I meant when I said… I don’t do it, not because I feel its immoral, by no means, but it reflects the character of one whom I dance with… n I believe that if he was gallant enough… there would be less “taking advantage” or widely public display of “affection”. :)

A bon example of this kind of gallantry I can only explain by showing, so I’ll quote:

(* err disclaimer: If u object to any sort of sexual content, pardon… this scene takes place between a newly married couple... concerning the matters of premarital sex… hmmm date is the year of our Lord 1743, country Scotland… * )

“…

He appeared to be honestly scandalized ‘You do not think that I would take ye without offering you marriage!’

‘Many men would,’ I said, amused by his innocence.

He sputtered a bit, at a momentary loss. Then regaining his composure, said with formal dignity, ‘ Perhaps I’m pretentious in saying so, but I would like to think that I am not ‘many men’ and I dinna necessarily place my behaviour at the lowest common denominator.’

…” – Outlander, Diana Gabaldon

hmm…

out of text, I don’t know how that will be grasped… anyways… it brings to mind that this bon chat, was also asked to explain her preferences for a partner… (on a different situation)

Stumped at that point… I will now attempt to answer :)

In lieu of what was said… preferences run to:

A gallant spirit, quick wit, easy conversation and a brave heart – oh the courage to do what is right… A will to try, a steadiness of spirit and patience enough to learn…

Although… as all things go… it would not be so bad if he had the looks as well ;) …

At the end of it all:

À bon vin point d'enseigne…

au revoir ;)

Hah. Crossing the road today and was stopped by a man in uniform.

Hmm… more like this traffic police steps off his motorbike in headlong traffic and waves for traffic to stop… including pedestrians. A man and his bike (all dues, the bike was big) but absolutely nonplussed at being in the middle of the road when the lights are green.

Then 3 seconds later, a couple of white Mercedes and police escort zooms pass…

The policeman turns to the held up traffic, gets on his bike, grins and waves us all on… as he careens after the rest of the entourage.

And men ask, why women are attracted to men in uniform. Hah.

Perhaps it s the confidence and self-assurance a uniform offers a man… that comes with feeling his sense of place and a sensation of self-earned respect/authority. Perhaps its ‘cause it gives the air of discipline. A man who knows how to take orders… Or give them… hahahahahahahaha…

Poor souls that don’t understand that NS is probably one of the better things that happen to them in terms of improving their state of eligibility. Yes power that comes with authority is very attractive… mmm… No point in wasting the chance.

It’s amazing what one can say when trying hard not to say anything. It’s incredible how easy it is to place words together in a strand and let it all run together and slide smoothly out of you into the open – glaring stark against the world… weaving a web of complete envelopment and beguilement… of protection…

And from what? And how?

Ah…the sweetness of mysteries.

It puzzles also me.

For the play of words, are like a caressing wind, a fury of storms or a deep eerie calm. And with words, I can be anything – oh yea…

“ In Santa Monica, in the winter time The lazy streets so undemanding I walk into the crowd In Santa Monica, you get your coffee from The coolest places on the promenade Where people dress just so Beauty so unavoidable Everywhere you turn, it’s there I sit and wonder what am I doing here? … In Santa Monica, on the boulevard You’ll have to dodge those in line skaters Or they’ll knock you down I never felt so lonely Never felt so out of place I never wanted something more than this But on the telephone line I am anyone, I am anything I want to be I could be a supermodel Or Norman Mailer And you wouldn’t know the difference See, on the telephone line I am any height, I am any age I want to be I could be a caped crusader, or space invader And you wouldn’t know the difference Or would you? Or would you? ”

Its fantastic this gap in personality, merely caused by a play of words and voila …

It’s amazing how this knack for conversing under extreme pressure has become a defence… I barely pause anymore to take stock when I with one who makes me uncomfortable… I guess its to fill up uncomfortable silences, to find common ground… yet really – in all honesty… its so that the words would ground the foundations of a large barrier and wall of protection…

The stupid thing about this “gift”, is that when you need it most… it fails you.

Like when you don’t care anymore about appearances nor role-playing, nor being liked nor being loved, but to just be. It helps you not, when you just want to be silent and not to merely be accepted for what your words can only express, but by what your actions want to scream out loud. When all you want is to shut up and let your eyes tell the story… but you falter and you do something or say something stupid and you botch it all up and curl up inside in frustration.

How did it go wrong?

Who am I really without my words? I’m much too afraid to see…