Feeling like my life seems like its standing still and the world continues to move around me, moving on and moving away...
There rises within … a vast aching sense of panic that yearns for stability – in whatever manner it may come… something that would hold you steady until the panic fades away and you are renewed in faith that everything will be alright …
It’s an uneasy road that lies ahead… and I feel like I’m in the Mass Rapid Transport, pulling away from the station, with all its brightly lit surroundings and familiar benches, maps and signs, into the dark tunnel of the unknown. Speeding into the unknown looking backwards as the station pulls away and disappears from sight.
A feeling of pure panic (that is stifled by years of not showing true extreme emotion) courses through my blood stream and is slowly being overtaken by … it seems an emotion almost akin to sadness… is it regret...? Nostalgia…?
Aaah! Frustration… another emotion that is slowly showing itself.
A lot to think about today.
Life is definitely moving on. We are indeed growing old… Older at least.
There is a sense of loneliness that is tinged with the gratefulness of solitude. Definitely brought on by the fact that my sister and parents left today for the States and the house will be empty for about 2 weeks. Coming home, the house is quiet and my brother is asleep and grandma is in bed. The room Tiff and I share, is empty and the desk where is always sit… is empty and though we rarely talk even when I come home, its uncomfortable that she’s not present in the house. It’s the same, now that mom and dad are not in the room to say hi to.
Not really having had to face the fact that school has officially started and the weight of the decision I made having to come home.
Suddenly I have all the space and time to reflect on my own.
A deviation by =orangebutt
posted by gossamerofcontradictions @ 12:08 AM