"I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."
- William Butler Yeats –

I guess that being a people-person has become a habit in itself…

That taking charge of situations and coordinating plans is merely secondary nature…

And sometimes I wonder… am I being presumptuous? Am I being bossy and rude?

When I play the game according to your rules, does it grit your nerves that the fight is fair?

When I disappoint your expectations – does it bother me more than you? Or am I merely hallucinating in my strive for perfection and eagerness to please? Are you even a little ticked off? Or do you already appreciate the effort I put into things… and I am being self-indulgent, wallowing in my need for human approval…

Haha...

I guess the entire week of playing by everybody’s rules and trying to break the ice, remember names that I can’t pronounce and giving up and giving in to merely remembering their countries… has drained the crap outta me… what with tutorial presentation… tutorial work… group events… cases… uwc conference… planning and meeting… organising day trips… remembering my Italian… coordinating last minute plans and carrying them out… Sunday sch class preparations… critic on my work…

I think I had just about as much people interaction that I could undertake in a week… yes…

While I like playing hostess and immersing myself in the myriad of different cultures … and enjoying the idealistic wondrous works that are even now being undertaken – to make the world a better place…

While I thank God for the like-minded group of law 1 students who have gathered to pray for each other and the faculty on Mondays…

And as well for VCF cell group on Tuesdays…

I think… (no actually I don’t … sigh… hehe… ) I shudder to face yet another group gathering – for a united purpose…

Yes… I need to be self-indulgent today… yeps… I apologise for that sounds selfish and stupid… but I really could not bring myself to go to the cell group meeting today… even tho I know I should have.

Instead… I went swimming.

And with the clear blue water over my head and sound of lapping waves in my ears, the water pressure caressing my arms and legs as finally the blood starts pumping into the main muscles… sun overhead… there is a silence.

No exercise for the longest time.

But in the cool, clear water… for a minute, I could pretend that I was 8 again – pretending to be a mermaid with my little sister. Haha… and in those indulgent moments… sigh… I realise with a sinking heart… nah…

I’d rather be a whale.

Haha…

Blue, blubbery, big and safe far away from civilisation – silently contemplating the meaning of the world in the midst of the watery flora and fauna of the underwater worlds…

Self-indulgent fantasy.. mmmhmpphh…

And then I got out of the water from my 25 laps… n almost fell on my face…

So much for exercise and fantasy .. blah blah.. haha

Blubbery whale.

And so now I’m happy and jovial and technically endorphin-filled…

I love the word “technically”… muahaha

And so I’ve retreated into myself... good times… good times…

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars."