hey... i guess... i don't even who actually reads my blog and becuz of late... or especially of late... when desperation escalated to the highest point... i've been pretty uh nerve-wrecking person to be around with. I want to thank everyone... everyone... for patience... for love and for sticking it out and being there. I know its been hard... but you guys are great. Luv y'all...
sum it all up... coming home its been a white-water raft journey of being swept up in God's amazing grace...
hard-lessons learnt... gotta decrease, for God to increase... got to be empty to understand what it means to be filled, gotta be low to feel God lifting me above the storm... and to truly feel the Spirit moving and to see... like really really see... what God is sayin, like not just know what he says, you know like "peace i give unto you, not as the world gives..." but truly understand what it means but not needing the peace of the world... and only hankering for the peace of God.
Pure joy.
And for the first time, I think I'm free...
When you align your priorities with that of God... it seems things move... they fall into place, they go God's way, because it not your life you're trying to make/create/discover/hold onto anymore... when you are absolutely powerless and weak and unworthy and backed in a corner... and you just give up doing things your own way, you give up fighting your fight, trying to defend yourself... to be yourself…
Then you see how God's grace is MORE than sufficient for you. He is GOD. He is works in MARVELOUS ways... He shows you that all you need is Him. ALL you need is Him.
And when I totally gave up and I was like... that's it... give up. There is nothing left. No one can help me. I can’t help me… that’s it. Can’t go nowhere … God I need a miracle. No no… I need You… gotta be rite with you… Spirit fill me.
And Bam. He’s there… He’s everywhere!!
And I see… why? Why did I fight so hard? Why did I try so hard? All I needed to listen… to truly listen… to devour Your word… to acknowledge truly acknowledge supremacy… to hand over the wheel… to be filled… to surrender…
TOTAL surrender.
Take my world apart. Watch the world I use to love fall to dust and thrown away. Did You really have to die for me? So steal my heart and take the pain, take the selfish take the weak, take the things I cannot hide, take the beauty take the tears, take my world apart.
And then you realise, it IS by grace that we live. Gotta get some of that grace… its great… claim it…
And I have to say… when the Spirit moves you… He moves you.
Tort exam: started studying 2 days before. No joke… at that stage it was not even a let’s hope for a miracle. It was plain… there’s no hope. Don’t care anymore good bye. So… sad to say… it was only at that point … I surrendered all to God. ALL… and I didn’t pray for grades, didn’t pray for crazy memory and excellent study habits… just wanted the rest of my study time to be a sacrifice to Him.
Uh yea, it wasn’t until after the exam I realise, that there was not one time since that prayer, that He didn’t provide. Maybe I did crap, but that’s not the point. The point is that He sustained me every minute, every second from that time on. I managed to study, I managed to pray, really pray, to read His word and feel it to internalise it, to sleep, to rest, to work again, to have peace, to understand the exam question, to have time (to have TIME) during the exam… even to check! … hah… and a million of little things… like not having to have to go to the washroom during the exam (stomach flu lar)… aiyah…
and our God is Jehovah Jireh. He is our Provider. And He leads me besides still waters and makes me lie down in green pastures and beside still waters. He sets a table before mine enemies and anoints my head with oil and my cup runneth over… He is the God who’s names is above all names. We claim the name of the Lord.
1 Samuel 17: 45 Then David said to the Philistine, "You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin; but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of
The battle is the Lord’s, “For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12
Surrender and Trust. Amen
posted by gossamerofcontradictions @ 12:38 AM
and for the abscence of any updates, hope you're doing fine. haha *grin*
